Day 55

Hi Fellow Readers

I know I haven't been writing in a while so I figured I should let you know where I am. I have been on this diet for a little under 2 months now, and I have lost 22 lbs. It is not as much as I would have liked to have lost this far along, but my body has been continuously plateauing trying to fight the diet. It is like the diet is a cruel adult trying to pry away a teenagers' comfort blanket, pillow or stuffed animal that they've had since childhood. Once again my own body continuously is trying to sabotage itself. And over SETC, I unfortunately have to jump off the diet wagon while I was at the convention, because lets just say that the hotel was not diet friendly. They should have had a sign on the door in neon lights saying "Gluttons welcome!Get Fat Here!". So,  I didn't lose any weight that week, but i made up for it over spring break. But no worries! This soon to be skinny bitch is back on track and doing better than ever.

In other news, I have started eating eggs! Yes I know. I know I said I never would and I stuck to my guns for the past 10 years, except for quiche and cheese souffle, but that doesn't count...haha. I still am nowhere close to eating soft/hard boiled or scrambled eggs, but I have grown an appreciation for tomato, onion and spinach omelets. I have perfected my recipe and made a very good one this morning. I felt very proud of myself :) It is like I am tricking my brain to think I am eating something other than eggs :) SO far it has worked very well...

I don't really have anything else to say - I'm way too interested in this yummy mango I'm about to eat. I bought a peeler at William-Sonoma yesterday so I could peel the yucky outer skin of the mango and enjoy the orange goodness inside :) Ahhh! The sweeter things in life can make a gloomy chilly day a little bit brighter.


If you have any questions or comments, please let me know :) I appreciate all the feedback.

Thanks

Day 28

I started this endeavor exactly four weeks ago tomorrow, and I have just reached the 15 lb milestone. I still have a lot to lose, but as of now, I am 17% done with this life changing project. It has been really rough because one of the set backs of this diet is that it normalizes everything in your body. However, to get there, you have to literally experience a living hell for a while. I have been having to suppress random food craving for crap food that I know I don't really want to eat, either because it will either make me violently ill, or the fact that I know that this food I'm craving won't actually taste as good as it smells or looks.  Added on to that I have been experiencing massive mood swings that have been making me cry at the most random and inopportune moments, and I hate crying in front of people I work with. Last week there were days that I felt like the most pathetic, whiney, inconsolably depressed individual on the planet, then the next day I would be having a great day because I had a fantastic feta salad. I know that was not normal, but what really is normal? And honestly, it does make sense that the black sheep has to go a bit psychotic  in many ways to magically become a pretty white sheep. It didn't help that I feel like I have lost a very important piece of jewelry to me, and I have just been hoping and praying that it eventually shows up. God works mysteriously like that. I am definitely glad I am not constantly hyperventilating and freaking out anymore, because that definitely didn't help my stress levels.

Anyway, I wanted to briefly talk about another struggle I have been having. First of all, this diet has become my life. I live and breathe it, because the only way I will succeed this time is if I grab the proverbial bull by the horns and hold on tight, because this is not an easy feat. I have to talk about it, even if it makes people who are overweight in my department in school. I have been overweight my entire life, and I know how annoying it was to see some of my friends lose their weight and become the people they have always been on the inside...on the outside. I envied their passion and perseverance and ability to change themselves for the better. It has always sucked when going into a shop filled to the brim with exquisite clothing, only to have to dig to the bottom of the neatly folded pile to locate the Large or X-Large, or the size 14 jeans that none of my favorite stores carry. I want to be able to go to New York City and be able to be energized the whole day and do everything, instead of getting out of breath coming up the stairs form the subway. Because I have so much weight to lose, this diet has become who I am until I have trained my mind body and soul not to be an emotional, over eating, depressed masochist of sorts. Because I am having to revive my body and revive it after essentially killing it slowly but surely from the inside out for the past 20 years. That is why, anyone who is overweight and feels uncomfortable about themselves when they hear me talking about it, maybe you should re-evaluate your life and wonder if following in my footsteps would make you a happier person. What I wouldn't do for a "Rami Buddy" who knows what i'm going through, and who I could talk to all the time and I wouldn't be considered being a whiner.

I read a quote that really spoke to me from an unknown author: "If there was no change, there'd be no butterflies." This really made me think about this project of mine as a metamorphosis from me being a slimy, prickly caterpillar  to a beautiful butterfly. It takes patience, strength and a great struggle to get to the end result, but in the end it is truly worth every difficulty. So, once I lose all my weight, I plan to (And this is not negotiable) change my haircut - but still keep the length, color my hair (rich chocolate brown), get a spray tan (Honey) - Tanning beds cook your organs - and completely change my wardrobe. I plan to donate every piece of clothing and underwear I own and replace it with my favorite things. That is the pot of gold and diamonds at the end of my metaphorical rainbow.

As an ending note, any words of wisdom or support will be greatly appreciated :)

Day 21

It has been almost a week since my last post, so I figured that I should keep you updated but make it short and sweet. I have been under quite alot of stress lately with the theatre department in school and it is making me kind of crazy. Some days I feel like a bit of a basket case and trying to just keep all my ducks in a row. Surprisingly, I have been having different reactions to the stress than I usually did. When I am stressed out I start binge eating and just stuff my face with everything in sight, especially sugary and  starchy snacks, trying to fill the metaphorical "void" caused by the stress, because it feels like i'm being sucked up by a black hole. However, I have completely lost my appetite and i've found myself having to basically stuff my face with the food i'm supposed to eat on my diet. Some people may think its a good thing, but my body has always behaved counter intuitively in a manner of speaking, as I have to feed it properly to lose weight. Over eating makes me gain weighit, and starving myself makes me gain weight, so I just have to find the happy medium between those two evils. Sometimes I find it difficult with my schedule to eat when I am supposed to, but for the most part it has worked out quite nicely, hoping that I don't forget to eat all together.

I have been having issues sleeping and I just feel really tired during the day, but an insomniac during the night. It really is bizarre. I feel like a spinning top, that keeps spinning with a slight wobble, and I just hope and pray that I don't topple over, almost Like a house of cards, One blow from caving in. I think that This has to definitely be the first big hump to get over and I just have to stay strong. I always think that I want something that is bad for me, but in reality, i don't, because my taste buds have completely changed and my sense of smell, and even though the foods I used to love still look good, I don't think they will actually taste good. I just wish I had a support group who actually understood what I am going through. I feel like a pariah sometimes, because I live off campus away from the drama and I do not ever eat in the cafeteria, which is a glorified watering hole and a social hub of the school. Also in my chosen path, I naturally am separated from the people who I work with anyway. This diet is unique and people who haven't done it do not understand what it takes to make it work. Next week is valentines Day, one of the cutest holidays there is because it is one day a year where you don't have to apologize to be hopelessly romantic and all mushy with the person you love. I used to love it when I was younger because teachers at schools made you give a card or candy to everyone in the class, so you always felt loved. However, now it just seems like a cruel joke with evil laughter mocking me at the fact that I am perpetually single. My only wish is that once my weight is gone, people will see me for who I am, and I will never have to spend another valentines day alone. I know people think it is just a commercial holiday invented by Hallmark, but it has actually been celebrated for centuries. 

Anyway, that is enough for now. 

Also, would someone please comment on my blog so I know that there is someone  actually listening...

Day 15

Hi Bloggers.
I figured it was time for another post on this little blog of mine. As an update to those who actually care, yesterday I reached the 10 lb mark, so I only have 65 Pounds to go. YAY (Not going to think about it - that number is too daunting)! Based on the math, I should be at my goal by May 5th, with is basically 3 months away. It has been very hard at some times, but I just Keep remembering how I do not want to lie on the beach in florida over the summer and have a lumpy ass and bulges over my bathing suit. I decided that eating delicious crap food isn't so delicious and that I definitely do not need to have alcohol to have fun.

Last night was college night at this amazing club in downtown Greensboro College called Inferno. I was not planning on going because I was having just one of those shitty days where all I wanted to do was snuggle up in bed with a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice-cream and watch The Notebook. However, Once I had has a great nap on the couch and saw how many people were going, I realized that going would be the best thing I could do for myself. So I got changed about 5 times until I found a cute outfit - rule of thumb, even though they're cute, 2 inch heel boots are not the most sensible shoes to wear when you are going to dance for 3 hours at a club (I've got a blister to prove it). Anyway, I danced all night with this really great guy, who happens to be gorgeous, who protected me from all the skeezy men who were hitting on me and trying to grind up against me during "Black and Yellow". To any who are curious, Dancing in a club is a great cardio work out and it definitely helps to have a cute guy with you the whole time to completely take your mind off the fact that your calves are burning and your feet are blistered.

I realized that It wasn't the end of the world that I couldn't drink buttery nipples or kamikazes with my favorite girl friends, because honestly water was exactly what I wanted al night to hydrate, and even though the sandwiches at Jimmy Johns smelled delicious, and I saw all my friends munching eagerly on Turkey Club subs or a BLT with extra B, I saw the bread and realized that if I decided to make the stupid mistake and cheat, I would not only irreparably fail my diet and my plan to change my life would be ruined, but the bread would make me depressed and tired, and that didn't seem appealing at all. Also, I had no money on me since my little 5 dollar bill that I put in my bra for safe keeping - all girls consider their bras the safest place for money, or at least most of them - and it disappeared. I Guess it isn't the safest place after all....

Anyway, today is day 15 and I need to make sure I lose 5 pounds by next wednesday to stay on track. I finally have money so I can buy groceries and do my yoga again, because I definitely missed it. I might end up buying a dvd though - still pondering that...

Anyway, that is the latest gossip from the Teenage Immigrant on the Road to Becoming a Skinny Bitch :)

Day Twelve

Today Is one of the few days I will actually rant about something, so please excuse me as I express my frustration regarding how expensive things are. I am a broke college student who cannot work for two reasons. The first one is because I am a theatre major and therefore I have no free time whatsoever. However, the second one is the real problem, because even if I wanted to work, I would not be able to because the immigration system in this country has seriously tampered with my life. I immigrated with my family to the US a few months before September 11th, 2001 - at possibly the worst possible time - and I have been here for going on 10 years. I cannot work, even though I am 100% LEGAL. This makes it impossible to earn money, and I am therefore completely dependent on my parents for money. So, with this in mind, I am doing a diet, which requires me purchasing only healthy food for it to work, and it is so expensive that I am constantly draining my bank account - and it is not even my money - it's my father's. I find it completely ridiculous that steroid free plain organic yogurt, fruits, vegetables and meat/seafood is so outrageously expensive and all the crap that gives me a lumpy ass and makes me fat and depressed is super cheap. It is almost as if even the grocery store has become my enemy and is just tempting me to fail. It is ridiculous. I buy really healthy food, but I cannot control how much things cost.

To some people, the thought of being able to spend your father's money on food may sound amazing, but when you are on a strict diet and you are continuously having to ask for more, I personally feel bad. I know I am eating really healthily and I feel great, but i'm at the point where I drained my account and now have no money for yoga. Maybe it would be cheaper to just buy a good DVD and stay in the comfort of my own dorm and make my roommate repeatedly kick my ass to do it...

Anyway, this morning I had my delicious bowl of plain yogurt with Stevia sweetener and half a grapefruit. To some that might sound like the worst breakfast in existence, but honestly it is actually my favorite meal of the day, except when I have steak for dinner :). It is just so clean and fresh and It fills me up without making me feel bloated and nasty and in addition in my case, depressed when I eat pancakes and muffins and cereal(YAY Celiac Disease...Not!)Anyway, for lunch I had steamed zucchini and mozzarella cheese. In retrospect it was not the best recipe because the flavors were too different. At least now I know. It seems like this entire diet is a learning curve I have to deal with and I just wish that I had a great big money tree outside my room or that my refrigerator would just re-stock by itself. Tonight will be a chicken salad, Eurydice rehearsal, Study date with my Biology notes and some much needed R and R.

Au Revoir for now.

Day Eleven

Day eleven as gradually coming to an end on the Rami Cohen diet, and it has been an interesting day. Last night my new roommate and I had a few friends over to out faux apartment - it is a suite in the off campus dorm - and it was an absolute blast. All of us were 21 or older, so there was a fair amount of alcohol being consumed by everyone...except me, which I never realized how much it can make you feel like an outsider. Since alcohol and caffeine prohibits weight loss, I cannot drink any alcohol or coffee until i reach my goal. It is not too bad, but definitely makes the evening interesting.

Anyway, this morning, a Sunday, I woke up at 9 am. Yes, I know that may seem absolutely insane to some people, but breakfast was calling. The downside of this diet is that you are supposed to wait 5 hours between each meal with protein, and it is not "allowed" to eat after 9pm. Therefore, the later I eat breakfast, the later my lunch and diner are, and i have to make sure that I do not eat breakfast after 10, otherwise my whole day is thrown off balance. Anyway, This morning I had a grapefruit with organic plain yogurt sweetened with Stevia in the Raw sweetener. I have officially stopped using Splenda, because apparently it contains methyl alcohol - highly toxic - and arsenic (aka POISON). Considering that I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that my plain yogurt reminds me of Elmer's Glue because it looks somewhat like paste, I  cannot handle the thought of eating paste laced with arsenic. Sorry Splenda, but I have jumped off your poisonous bandwagon and hopped onto the Stevia train. As far as sugar substitutes go, it definitely wins the gold medal in my book. Now that the Splenda dilemma is out of the way,  it was great that I could eat my grapefruit while I used my fancy new grapefruit spoons. They have a blunt serrated edge on both sides and it makes it super easy to eat.

Later on, around 3pm, I realized I needed to eat some lunch. Because I had spent the whole morning cleaning, taking out trash and doing loads and loads of laundry, I realized that I had to make something quickly because I had to rush to rehearsal. Unfortunately my time management was severely poor this afternoon, I had to settle on eating a big block of mozzarella cheese and thick slices of cucumber. It was delicious, but i did receive some interesting looks when I started nibbling on a big block of cheese, so at that point I slightly re-evaluated my choices and decided that next time I should definitely make time to make a salad. However, after rehearsal, I came back to the room only to find my new roommate heating up some sort of lasagna left over from Macaroni Grill, and the delicious smell of Italian food permeating throughout the room made me honestly question why I was doing this. Sometimes it is impossible to have to walk away from all the scrumptious foods that you have been consuming for your entire life. This better all be worth it in the end, otherwise I will be very disappointed and will be haunted by the evil food craving monster that made me miserable in the first place. It is a vicious circle that has no end, unless the circle is forcefully broken - which is what I am trying to do...

Just some food for thought. And speaking of, I see that it is time for dinner. Time to pull out my handy frying pan and steamer :)

Day Ten

So, I have been on the Rami Cohen Diet for a little Over a week now. It is incredibly strict and requires more self control than anything else I have ever done in my life so far. I finally realized it was the right time in my life to get with the picture and finally buckle down and lose this weight that has been giving me a big butt, thunder thighs and an outrageous muffin top that NEEDS to go before the summer. So this week I have been having to really prove to myself that I have the self control and that this time I will reach the goal I've had since I was 15. I just keep telling myself that this will all be worth it when I have a brand new wardrobe from Anthropologie! This week I have been doing really great, So I feel really proud of myself.  I have been pre-weighing all my food and not cheating, despite the fact that I have been repeatedly offered chocolate chip cookie dough, chocolate, and the tempting aromas of cook-out burgers and french fries. Sometimes I look at something and am so tempted to eat it because it looks so good, but then I catch myself when I realize that even though nobody would know if I cheated but myself, and to me, I no longer want to have to have to endure anymore self-loathing when I look in the mirror and realize that I cannot wear the kinds of things I desperately want to wear.

So, as an amusing anecdote to begin the adventure, last week I was in management lab and I really didn't want to eat salad for the fourth day in a row for lunch, so I quickly ran back to my room so I could steam some fresh white organic cauliflower in my pampered Chef steamer, and smother it in mozzarella cheese with a little dash of chicken spice, salt and pepper for flavor. I put it in a little blue Tupperware hoping that I could secretly eat it without anyone knowing. However, apparently as soon as I opened it up, a strong smell of fresh cauliflower permeated throughout the room - which was a bit warm and stuffy to begin with - and stunk up the whole room. I had the sniffles that day so I could not smell anything. I could only taste it and it was really good. I felt really horrible because apparently it smelled like rotten sauerkraut and was getting worse as the room got warmer. Thank goodness it gradually got better and that everyone got used to it or they left. It was hilarious that my teacher, David, likes sauerkraut so it didn't really bother him. Hopefully I never have to deal with that situation again. I just need to finish getting all my ducks in a row and make sure I organize all my meals so I don't stink up any more rooms.

Also, as a final note, I just bought a copy of Skinny Bitch, and it has become my inspiration, except for the fact that i am definitely not going to stop eating meat. I will remain a carnivore until further notice.